November 2010

The only lies for which we are truly punished are those we tell ourselves.

~ V.S. Naipual
Nobel Prize, Literature, 2001

I once had a client who was having a very difficult time accepting the truth about her marriage and the demise of the same. As time continued to tick on and on and she continued to be “stuck” in her anger and resentment it was so clear to all but her that the only person she was truly hurting was herself. Like the quote above I have had to tell some clients that to lie to others is dishonest and foolish. To lie to yourself is suicide.

Previous Quotations

October 2010

Let us at all times remember that all American citizens are brothers of a common country, and should dwell together in the bonds of fraternal feeling.

~ President Abraham Lincoln
16th President of the United States of America

As we are coming upon another set of elections, and passion abounds let's not forget some wise words of Abraham Lincoln in his remarks at Springfield Illinois in 1860.

July 2010

The Declaration of Independence

IN CONGRESS, July 4, 1776.

The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America,

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.--That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, --That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.--Such has been the patient sufferance of these Colonies; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to alter their former Systems of Government. The history of the present King of Great Britain is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected; whereby the Legislative powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice, by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone, for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harrass our people, and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For Quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial, from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefits of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies:
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws, and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our Coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Brittish brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their legislature to extend an unwarrantable jurisdiction over us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, Enemies in War, in Peace Friends.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

~ Thomas Jefferson
3^rd President of the United States of America

This month’s quote is in celebration of July 4th. I think that sometimes we forget how fortunate we are to be citizens of this most unique and wonderful Country.

June 2010

Solitude is the grandest prize that anybody could receive.

~ Camilo Jose Cela
Nobel Prize Laureate, Literature 1989

While not too common place client’s have been known to be repeat clients, with new relationships. I certainly appreciate the business, however I would rather that my client’s learn from previous missteps and have a future with healthy and happy relationships. I am not a mental health professional, but in my opinion many people are not comfortable being alone and so they hop from one relationship to another without healing completely from the prior relationship. Being in the middle of a breakup can be a very lonely place, however it generally is not going to be helpful to begin a new relationship prior to working through the old one. My advice would be to learn to enjoy the solitude and work on whatever you need to work on so that your next relationship is free from past “baggage”. FYI – not too many things complicate a pending divorce, or drive up costs, like adding a new “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” to the equation. Just another reason to enjoy the solitude for a bit.

May 2010

You don’t love because: you love despite: not for the virtues, but despite the faults.

~ William Faulkner
Nobel Prize Laureate, Literature 1949

I am a straight shooter. Sometimes clients don’t like to hear the truth, but in the end they always appreciate my honesty. The truth isn’t always pretty, but you have to deal with it if you are going to be successful. Is your ex really so evil? Is his motivation really only about money and not the kids? Guess what – you chose to have that person in your life. You chose to marry that person or have a child or more than one child with that person. Most likely you loved that person at one time. In some cases the other party really is horrid and we will address any and all inappropriate behavior. However, it is still important that my clients be able to see who they got themselves into the situation they are in so that they can avoid being in a similar situation in the future. It is also important to recognize the truth about one’s responsibility in a situation so that my client’s have realistic expectations. For instance if you used wealth and power to attract a women why would you not think that she would try to get as much wealth from you as she could when the relationship soured? If your soon to be ex-husband bad mouthed his ex-wife to their children or didn’t pay child support regularly why would he not do the same thing to you?

There is a purpose in me being so brutally honest with my clients. The sooner that my client’s are able to absorb and deal with all of the “truths” of their case the sooner we are able to move forward and resolve matters successfully.

April 2010

Discussion is impossible with someone who claims not to seek the truth, but already to possess it.

~ Romain Rolland
Nobel Prize Laureate, Literature 1915

Unfortunately many litigants, and even more unfortunately, many attorneys, fall into the trap of not seeking the truth, but claiming to already possess it. Heaven help the person involved in a law suit who knows that once they tell the judge the truth the judge will of course see it their way and they will “win”. I have even had a case in which, prior to my involvement, a client did not bother to respond to horrible accusations because she thought they were so outlandish that the judge would never believe them on their face. One must put themselves in the position of a judge. The judge doesn’t know you or the other party. The judge knows nothing of your history. The only thing the judge knows if from the information given to him or her. Then the judge needs to decide who is telling the truth or what version of the truth is most likely or what combination is most likely. That is a very difficult task. Also keep in mind that if 10 people see a car accident there will mostly likely be 10 different stories of what happened. Just because someone has a different memory from you or is interpreting information differently does not necessarily mean that the person is lying.

If there are addiction issues involved the truth may be very illusive to the addict. Denial is the life blood of addiction and it is very strong.

In my experience eventually the truth comes out. However, most likely it comes out in behavior, not words. If a person is lying the odds are that eventually the judge will see through their lies. One can only keep up a story for so long. Be patient, seek the truth and show “your” truth through solid evidence, not just give your opinion of the truth.

March 2010

The difficult is what takes a little time; the impossible is what takes a little longer.

~ Fridtjof Nansen
Nobel Prize Laureate, Peace 1922

Many times people have a difficult time understanding why a legal case takes so long. Court actions take time for a variety of reasons. The court system is overburdened, every court system has large budget constraints, and frankly the court system is not set up to be terribly efficient. In many cases the opposing attorney may also not have great incentive to be efficient and continue to move a case along expeditiously. With all of that said, there are many cases in which things just take time to be sorted out, and especially in a difficult case involving children it takes time for people to show their true colors. The more issues and the more difficult the issue the more time it will take to fix. It took time to get into this mess and it is going to take time to get out.

How can you tell whether a case is moving as it should or whether your attorney is just not "working" your case? If your attorney if communicating with you and fairly responsive when you contact him or her that is a very good sign that your attorney is doing all in his or her power to keep the case moving. If there is a strategic reason to not move the case quickly he or she will also talk with you about the rationale for the pace.

You also have a role in the pace of litigation. When your attorney requests documents, get them to him or her quickly. Your attorney cannot do her job without you getting them the information that she has requested. While it is perfectly acceptable to ask for rough timeframes for work completion it is generally not going to be helpful to pester your attorney.